Struggle Archives - Page 4 of 4 - Parents of Foster Care

Unravel

05.15.2016 by Sarah //

This was written after a few un-choice words on my part. Our children’s histories and stories and messes are their own and it’s so very, very hard to walk the line of helping people understand our kids without revealing what is rightfully our children’s business and no one else’s. Lord have mercy.

Truths stay hidden.

Pretty pictures lie.

Till things you needn’t know come out,

and now,

How to deal with ugly in the daylight?

Speaking truth.

Censored words.

Things you needn’t know.

But guards go slack and weary minds speak more than should be said.

How to deal with ugly in the daylight?

It’s all just a mess in the daylight.

Keeping secrets kills,

but its not mine to reveal.

Pretty pictures

Mask the mess till salvation sorts it out.

Ugly stories

Threads bound tight,

all things you needn’t know.

Don’t try to pull,

find loose ends

Tug till they unwind.

My mind’s worn thin,

Protecting them,

Don’t try to make me deal with ugly in the daylight.

(I created the above image using Pic Monkey’s free photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may also contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.)

Survival Was Our Choice

05.09.2016 by Sarah //

The suffocation of the laundry pile. The pressure between my ribs. Dirty shoes on the carpet.

Breath, I tell myself. Exhale. Inhale.

Peas in the hair. The pressure, the overwhelm. The never-ending. The dark encroaching jungle of dirt and din.

I disappear into a bathroom to scrub a toilet and children run up and down the halls yelling.

It’s too much. I give up! I’ll never be able to beat it back.

Giving up, Curling up. Nap isn’t an option with all the noise.

Kid’s movie.

Block it out. Ignore it.

More laundry at the end of the couch.

Like fertilizer for weeds this trying to shut it all out is.

The jungle encroaches. It’s sins domain.

Death, destruction, survival.

The buying of the food, the cooking of the food, the eating, dish washing, and working for the food.

“Cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. By the sweat of your face you will eat bread.” Genesis 3:17, 18

Survival – it’s part of the garden curse.

The daily grind, the upkeep, the tending, and cleaning, the fight for order so that real life – the good life, can happen.

That’s the curse.

It’s not just you. We ARE losing out. It’s a fight to get through the mundane, in order to focus on what matters, God, our family, friends.

Real life, the good life.

This is what was lost in the garden. We traded relationships for survival.

We lost life.

Death entered.

God had to promise a seed that would one day make it all right.

Survival didn’t exist. Relationships did. God walking with man did. Perfect spousal unity did. Glorious, unashamed nakedness did.

So now what? There’s no putting the lid back on sin’s curse.

Now, we run. We run to our savior, the one who fulfilled His promise to crush Satan’s head. The one who’s guaranteed our future.

And we fight.

We fight the encroaching jungle of disorder, and we do what we can to get back to garden relationships.

We minimize. We get rid of stuff so there’s less things to wear out, break down, and maintain. We eat simply, we plan ahead.

This is curse busting stuff!

We let some things go, because this world, it’s all headed toward death and decay, but people, our loved ones, relationships they don’t have to be. There is a savior for them, for us. There IS REAL LIFE and, in the midst of the curse, God has made a way.

So, dear friend, don’t become weary in well doing. This side of heaven we will always fight survival mode, but we can recognize it for what it is, and not become discouraged when yet something else encroaches on what really matters because that is what this curse does. So fight for your relationship with God, and with others, because at the end of this life, that is what will matter.

Two of my favorite resource to help you fight survival mode are this book, and this short, 15 minute a day course for mornings or the one for evenings. Keep at it my friend!

(Note: I created the top image using Pic Monkey’s free photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.)

A Long Line of Mothers

04.25.2016 by Sarah //

One more broken moment enters our home.

It was a bump on the head like any other. The tears came. I kissed it. Then my child spoke words that broke my heart.

“Mommy Shelly kiss it.”

My response shows nothing of my hurt.

“Yes, Mommy Shelly kissed your booboos. Now, Mommy kisses them.”

My little one has a far off look in his eyes.

“Booboo. Booboo on head. Mommy Shelly kiss it.”

“Honey, look at my eyes. Mommy Shelly loves you, and Mommy loves you. Mommy Shelly used to kiss your booboos. Now Mommy kisses your booboos. When you were a baby you lived with Mommy Shelly, but now you are a big boy and you live with Mommy. Mommy takes care of you now.”

Now it’s his little heart that breaks.

He wails. Sadness dripping from his eyes. I hold him close, rocking him like a baby.

This moment is critical for our connection. I can empathize and comfort and go deeper in my love and care for him. I grab the milk and hold it to his lips like a baby. I feed him like his biological mother should have. I feed him like his first foster family did. I feed him now as his adoptive mother, taking the place in a long line of mothers this little soul has had.

My mothering must be deepest. My connection must be preeminent. I must be viewed by him as his permanent parent.

To do this I must recognize that he has loved and lost others- that this, his final family home, comes at the cost of the first two.

I hold him and our hearts break together.

(Note: I created the image in this post using Pic Monkey’s free photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may contain affiliate links. For more information, read our Disclosure Policy here.)

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