What made you decide to foster?
My husband and I decided to look into foster care because our best friends were foster parents and they were doing such great things. We prayed to God that if this is what He wanted us to do that Drake would be given a new job that paid enough for me to stay home full time. He got the job quickly. So, we started classes and took our time getting licensed, but I was terrified. I was terrified of losing children and fearing that my heart couldn’t take it. I would lay awake at night thinking I should back out and I shouldn’t do this. Why would I voluntarily put my heart in this situation this is insane?! But we kept pressing on and finally got licensed a year ago. We got many calls for siblings but we could not take them. We didn’t want to start with multiples when we had two children of our own. We got an almost 2 year old in December. We were never certain that this is what we should do but we figured if it’s on our hearts we need to. We have to try!
You already have biological children. So, what decisions did you have to make about foster care with them in mind?
We had a 5 year old and a 1 year old when we got licensed to foster We decided for our children we would not get any children older than our oldest. She fits very well into that older child position. She thrives as a big sister and I am not willing to take that spot away from her. We also didn’t want to take any children acting out sexually from sexual abuse. We knew our children would be affected but we didn’t want any trauma happening to them of course. If you have children similar ages your biological children are really doing most of the work. They are teaching these kids what “normal” kid life should be like! They teach them how to play…how to love…how to fight properly in their age range.
What would you like to tell other foster families or those considering fostering?
I have found the hardest thing is trying to love other children the way you love your own. When you don’t have that infant connection it is so difficult to bond. Although, some kids are much “easier” to love and that does make a difference sometimes. I find myself comparing them all very often and I hate it. I want that instant connection but it takes time. It takes a lot of hard work and love. I get so frustrated when I don’t feel it and when I don’t see results but that’s where my trust in Jesus has to be bigger. I am terrified to lose them but they need us. They have to matter more, they have to be more important than our broken hearts. We have to choose to care about them more than ourselves by choosing to love them and opening our hearts and our homes. Don’t worry about what everyone says “I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let go.” Yes, but you have to. It’s more a choice than a feeling. No one could choose to lose their child when they suddenly die and be ok with it. If it’s on your heart just do it. They need you.
Free Resource on Attachment
Fostering a secure relationship with your kiddos is oh, so important! Here are 4 elements of a secure attachment and activities to establish it with your children. Put your email address here and “click” so I can send it to you.
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