He lays on the sidewalk, head on arms, “resting”.
At least that’s what it looks like to everyone else.
The comments from the passersbys sound like, “He’s tired.” Or, “It’s been a long day.”
The birthday part is small. Everyone is here to see her.
But, she watches bugs or plays with sticks, avoiding the gathering of friends and family.
“She just doesn’t like crowds” they say.
He kicks a ball in the front yard while you get the mail. The neighbors, out for a walk, stop over to chat.
Out of nowhere he screams, fear wild in his eyes, body tense, nerves gone haywire.
“It’s just too much for him” the neighbors uncomfortably attempt but they know they don’t really mean it. They’re not sure what went wrong. So, they reassure themselves with empty comments.
Day in and day out, others see without knowing. That’s by design. It’s on purpose.
They can’t know. They shouldn’t. But you do.
What is Really Going On
The passive sidewalk layer is avoiding a melt-down in the only way he knows how – shutting down.
The one that “just doesn’t like crowds” is actually so very overwhelmed with her own emotions concerning relationships with family and friends that she just can’t sort them all out. Where do her loyalties lie? In mom and dad? The other, more fun people? Who sets her boundaries when all the rules are different for all the people? If she likes one family more why can’t they be her family? Is she really stuck with the one she has? Why? She’s had so many. Why is this one different?
The screamer is ruled by fear. He looks happy on the outside. That’s his defense. But defenses evaporate when he’s caught off guard and his real driving force takes the lead. He screams, terrorized and out of control because that’s how he lives his life, it’s just hidden on the inside.
What do you say when you know you can’t and shouldn’t explain?
Nothing
They want an answer but you just can’t give one.
And it wears you down. It shuts you up. It weighs heavy inside. But it’s good, and true and right, because you’re protecting your child. And one of these days you’ll learn how to be gracious and to draw them in without speaking lies or unveiling your children’s stories, but until then, you sit silently. You tend to your children and pretend you didn’t hear.
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