Here’s one I haven’t figured out yet – please help me if you can.
Fairs.
My kids can’t handle them.
I’m not talking about the big county fairs with cotton candy and carnival rides. Even some adults can’t handle those fairs. I mean the small ones, you know, the community events put on by charities or schools. They’re just too much.
The problem is, they like fairs. I can’t be sure, but I think they do.
They say they want to go, and when we get there they want to see everything. They participate but…
its with a far-away look in their eyes (zoning out) or crazy behavior (eyes darting everywhere, spinning circles, tossing balls/bean bags/water bottles as high into the air as they can) all while clamoring to get into the bounce house, or ride the ponies, or….
And no, this is not normal. I know what typical child excitement is and this is not it. This is something entirely different, this is their past trauma at work.
And yet, they don’t want to leave so to some extent I think they like fairs.
I also know they don’t have the coping mechanism to handle them.
And I don’t know how to help them.
All the normal calming techniques –preparing them beforehand, holding hands, pointing out one item to focus on and directing them that way, just don’t cut it.
Which means I hate fairs!!
I hate the chaos that ensues when we get there. I hate not being able to aid them. I hate having to regulate myself in the midst of their crazy antics while simultaneously trying to determine the cause behind the crazy.
So what to do?
I don’t want to avoid fairs entirely. The big scary ride infested fairs, yes, we will avoid those. But, the small ones are good learning opportunities…if I only knew what learning should be taking place.
In most settings my kids respond well when I prepare them for a single goal and continue to direct their attention toward that goal. For example, before we go into a store I might say,
“We are going into the store. We will get some fruit and then checkout.”
Once in the store, I hold their hands and remind them of the goal. I have them look for the fruit, help choose the fruit, and then check out.
Last weekend, I tried that at the fair.
I knew there was a bounce house so I made that our goal. I hoped that once they were in the bounce house, I could look out over the rest of the fair and pick two options for our next activity. I would then let them choose between the two options and guide them toward that activity. We could navigate the entire fair this way.
It didn’t work.
Epic fail.
It went down something like this.
“There is a bounce house in the grass that we are going to find it. We will hold hands and find the bounce house. O.K. lets go!”
Instead one child kept throwing herself onto the ground to spin circles. The other child zoned out so that I had to continuously give gentle tugs on his hand while telling both of them, “This way, come on. The bounce house is over here.”
It didn’t matter how much encouragement, redirection, or tugging took place it was not keeping them focused on the goal.
We did finally make it into the bounce house, but I desperately needed another strategy. While they bounced I came up with one.
I decided to walk them around the fair so they could take it all in before choosing the next activity. I hoped this would help them process their surroundings and allow them to focus.
They finished bouncing. I implemented my plan.
Again, epic fail.
The circle spinning, drop to their knees, tug themselves out of my hands behavior ensued. Not to mention the zoned out or feral looks in their eyes. This wasn’t working either.
I was able to focus them long enough to try a few games – if you count their throwing-like-we’re-trying-to-get-pizza-dough-to-stick-to-the-celling attempts as “focused”. After that, we left.
I have much to learn about what coping strategies are needed in these situations. I can see this being a big summer problem.
Would you mind sharing what has worked for you?! I’d love to know! Just Post in the comments below.
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