Considering Fostering? Archives - Parents of Foster Care

Fostering is its own world, so welcome to mine. I hope you get a picture of the real, the raw, and the beauty. It's hard, but God is gracious, and it is one of the best journeys I've pursued. I hope this gives you enough information to make a good decision for your family.

It looks like a child orphaned by drugs

04.13.2017 by Sarah //

It’s the child at gymnastics who smiles at a dad he’s only known a month. It’s the teenager applying for a job who hesitates when she fills out the address portion of the paperwork. It’s the boy who sits at the back of the class – the one who missed school for a funeral.

That’s what being orphaned by drugs looks like.

It looks like the kids you know, or might know, the ones you pass in the grocery store or smile at across the street. The ones at the ‘Y’ when you pick up your child from after-school care. Like children from all sorts of families and all walks of life.

It looks like sitting in a social worker’s office as white noise machines hum and someone tries to contact your next of kin. It looks like staying with another family for the night –a week- a month.

It looks like foster care.

It looks like this (see video).

I know it seems unbelievable, like “where are all these children?” But the reality is that it’s hidden in our own communities. It’s really that bad – Secret of the hidden children explains why. Read it here. Because, being orphaned by drugs can look like that.

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Thank you to Holly Spencer-Trueman at OhioGuidestone for her encouraging comments and sending me the above TV interview originally posted on Clevland19.com.

“Sarah, I just wanted to thank you for writing such a powerful piece. It makes so much sense to the average person – putting the issue in context the way you did. I indirectly quoted you in a tv interview but unfortunately wasn’t given the opportunity to give you credit (even though I had your name written on my folder!!) I hope you don’t see that as a slight, but as another opportunity use your wisdom to recruit more foster parents to do the work we do!”

I created the image using Pic Monkey’s free photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may also contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.

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It’s really that bad — secret of the hidden children

03.10.2017 by Sarah //

So, you’ve heard it before, on the news, Facebook, or conversations with friends.

It seems bad, or, at least, it should seem bad. The numbers are enormous; it’s talked about with such urgency and you can’t deny it’s a problem. And yet… it’s just not convincing.

You glance at the image again and the phrases run through your mind.

“There’s such a need for foster parents.”

“Our county is in a crisis.”

“Children are being placed 4 hours away because there aren’t enough foster homes to take them.”

So why doesn’t it feel real? Urgent? As desperate as they make it out to be?

You’re sure they’re not lying about this…and yet, if it’s really that bad, where are all the kids?

Why don’t you see them? Know about them?

What’s up with that?

Your question is valid and needed. This might help.

Do you pay attention to the news? Not the big national stuff, but the local news? You know, the store that opened downtown, the food drive happening at the elementary school, the local arrests for drugs or domestic violence?

That news? Well, that is where the need for foster parents is hiding. It’s not broadcast or announced, it can’t be, but if you ask yourself one simple question you’ll start to see it.

What if there were kids involved?

The arrest for domestic violence.

What if there were kids involved?

The shooting at the 7-11.

What if there were kids involved?

The home raided for drugs.

What if there were kids involved?

The media won’t tell you about it, but

Current Foster mamas

If you’re struggling with supporting your child’s emotional needs and/or self-care The Parenting Super Bundle has some incredible resources to address this. I’ve been using the courses by child therapists Melissa Benaroya and Natasha Daniels and highly recommend them (if you know me, you know how picky I am). To see more on what I’m learning from these therapists and their courses click here.

Considering Fostering?

There aren’t as many resources in the Parenting Super Bundle for you but there are some and they are really good. I would especially recommend A Framework of Self-Care for Adoptive and Foster Families that is included in the bundle. It is written by a foster mom and has A LOT of ways you can make your transition into foster care that much smoother.

many times, there are.

There are kids involved.

But the kids are innocent.

And that’s why the media isn’t covering it.

It’s a privacy issue. It isn’t their fault their parents were selling drugs. It isn’t their fault the grownups in their lives tried to solve problems by beating each other up. It isn’t their fault that someone got shot.

It isn’t their fault.

And so the kids are protected. The media doesn’t tell you there were children removed from the home. It doesn’t show the social workers hastily carrying the kids’ clothes out in garbage bags. It doesn’t follow the screaming child to the social worker’s car as he is taken from the only family he’s ever known or loved. It doesn’t announce the surprise visit to the school where the innocent student learns she can’t go home but is instead being escorted to some family she’s never met.

And so the need for foster care hides in plain sight. You don’t hear about it until you become a foster parent. And then you get calls about thirteen children in the course of two weeks. You start to see the situations on the news and realize it’s connected to the child in your home.

The arrest for domestic violence on last night’s news?

There were kids involved.

The shooting at the 7-11 someone posted on Facebook?

There were kids involved.

The home raided for drugs?

There were kids involved.

Those massive, humongo foster care numbers that people always talk about start to pare down to the young people placed with you. They become lives, individuals, in your own community, in your own home.

And you start to realize that this is not some distant problem, it is here. It is now. And you can’t stand the idea of kids spending the night in a social worker’s office because there is nowhere for them to go.

This is the need.

Your own local news means a child near you is in need of a foster home. So what can you do about it?

Maybe it’s not much. Maybe right now, all you can do is share this post and pray.

That’s okay.

DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT THAT. You know what is good for you and your situation.

But if you’ve been asking where all the children are, it tells me you care. And now you get it. You realize the reality of your very own community. So, if you are able to do something, here are some suggestions.

Share this post so others are aware too.
Find out who in your life is already fostering. You might be surprised, since this is something foster parents don’t often post about. Put the question out there on your social media networks, then, let your friends know you want to support them the next time a child enters their home.
Bring your friend a meal or two the next time a kiddo arrives (and paper plates!). Don’t ask if she needs this, SHE NEEDS IT! Just bring it. Ask her when they eat dinner, what they eat, and then tell her you’ll bring the requested item 30 minutes before dinner on a specific date. THIS IS HUGE.
If you can’t do the above, call a local restaurant that provides delivery service and order a meal to arrive at your friends’ place 30 minutes before their normal dinner time. They WILL THANK YOU.
Pick up your friend’s laundry, wash, fold and return it to her.
Run to the grocery store for her.
Babysit her other children so she can take the foster child to all the first week medical appointments required.
Get a list of all the things the child didn’t come with and run to the store for those items.
Attend classes at your local DCS to find out what this foster care thing is all about.
Get licensed for “respite” (which really just means caring for a foster child for a week or less).
ASK! Continue to ask foster parents what you can do to support them. The needs of their children change frequently. Many times, those needs are not something you can help with, but continuing to ask is encouragement in itself. Plus, the more you ask, the more they trust that you really do want to help. And the more willing they will be to call you when they DO have a need you can help with.

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Free Attachment Resource:

(Note: I created the image using Pic Monkey’s photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may also contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.)

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How to Plan for Holidays with Foster Children

11.19.2016 by Sarah //

Let’s talk about planning for the holidays with foster children in your home. While there are a lot of emotional considerations that need to take place, that’s not what I’m focusing on. I’m talking about planning for your foster children’s actual physical presence, when, like I wrote in my post called ‘Foster Care and Dealing with Uncertainty’ you’re not guaranteed they will actually be with you on any given holiday.

So, how do you do it? Flexibility and a backup plan.

In our family, we start asking questions out as far in advance as we can.

“Will our foster child be doing a special visit for Thanksgiving?”, for example.

We ask the social worker. We ask the visit coordinator. It’s also great to ask this in a Family Team Meeting. We try to get a feel of the land and start placing the idea in the minds of those involved to be thinking about this early. If folks are thinking about it early, you can ask for a firm decision sooner rather than later.

Then, if we don’t receive an immediate answer, we plan as if this child is part of our family (because they are). We plan on them doing everything with us. And, if our child has special needs, such as sensory or dietary needs, we accommodate our family plans to meet those needs just like we would for a permanent member of our family. That means, if we need to leave a family function early because our foster kiddo needs to leave early then we do. Our extended family does not come above our immediate family.

We also have a backup plan. For example, what will travel look like if our foster child does end up spending the holiday with his/her biological family? Will we need to leave our family functions early to accommodate that? Or, will we need someone to care for our foster child either before or after his/her visit depending on our travel plans? Will we need to invite family over to our place instead of traveling to see them in order to accommodate our child’s visit? Who will watch our foster child if a visit is somehow cut short and we are unable to get back in time to pick him/her up from the unexpected change in plans?

These are the logistics that need to be considered and, as much as possible, planned for. However, things can change last minute in foster care and thinking about the holidays as just one more ‘normal’ day in which the unexpected can be expected will help cut down on frustration. We all want our holidays to be special, and they will be, we just can’t think of them as separate from the normal challenges of foster care.

So, plan, be flexible, and enjoy life with your special family!

Free Attachment Resource

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(Note: I created the image using Pic Monkey’s free photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may also contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.)

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